Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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