every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
