my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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