Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
