I'm going to jail i love you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
