i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh god it's open bar.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
