people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's shark week go big or go home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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