I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
