Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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