it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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