You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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