You made me cry and you don't even care
I didn't shave. On purpose
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
