ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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