I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
