Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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