Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
