She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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