i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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