I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't just leave with hair like that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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