Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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