How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
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Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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