Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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