is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
