You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
