look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Congratulations! We have a period
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