The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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