she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
