Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
