My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
