Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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