Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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