Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
