I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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