Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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