That's when you crack a 10am beer
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
