dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
