You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
