I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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