Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
