after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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