Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
