You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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