My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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