At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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