i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
