No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize