If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
