She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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