My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Randomize
