Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
