Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
