I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
