How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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