I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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