nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
