Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
