I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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