shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
