Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
