you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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