i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
