i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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