he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
