I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
