I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
