I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
