so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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