I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nutella sex= disaster
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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