Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
