you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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