I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
