Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
