It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
