guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
