I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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