i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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