yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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