You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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