you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
