Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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