So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
