Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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