dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
