how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
